the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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