Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
