Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
