sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
