Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
love makes seman taste better
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
