It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
sex in a hospital.. check
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
