I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
