Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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