Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
