he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
