I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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