it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
