Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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