i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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