I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
