Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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