Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
