You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
