So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
