At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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