i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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