Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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