did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
