it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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