I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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