Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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