I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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