okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
