I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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