im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
