How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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