so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
