I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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