We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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