I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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