so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
