Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
