D3 body, D1 cock
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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