Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize