so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
