Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
