So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
