I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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