i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
