I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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