hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
