There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
