the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
