3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
