Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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