did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize