I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
