I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
