too bad you live with your parents still
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
