Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
