actually, I'm a sock model
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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