GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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