this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
