So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
