So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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