I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
