Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
