i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
