There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
