Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
PANTIES FOUND
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
