I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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